„Šizofrenija“ kojoj sam se prepuštao nije bila samo proizvod nego i cilj stanja u kome sam se u svom stranačnom životu nalazio, stanja koje je pretilo da mi oduzme sposobnost prosuđivanja i izbora. Pretilo je da se svedem na nekoga ko je samo još opažao i doživljavao svet koji je delovao samo još u „jakim“ slikama. Pretilo je da zauvek ostanem „na tripu“: da zauvek zaboravim svoje poreklo, svoju povest, svoje „sadržine“; da, u strahu od „pada u rupu“ gubljenja identiteta, učestalo produžujem „stanje“ burnog „senzacionalnog“ doživljavanja „sadašnjosti“, dakle, da postanem neka vrsta „narkomana“, „alkoholičara“ i „strastvenog pušača“ moje savremenosti.
Sećanje, razmišljanje, promišljanje i mišljenje je, „u takvim stanjima“, bilo neminovno. Bilo je izlaz u borbi za mentalni opstanak.
(Žarko Radaković, "Pred- i post-nomadska stanja", Sarajevske sveske, br. 23/24)
"Schizophrenia" to which I surrendered myself was not only the product but also the goal of the state in which I found myself while living in a foreign land, the state which threatened to take away my ability to make judgments and form selections. It threatened to reduce me to someone who was now only observing and experiencing the world, which now only appeared as a series of "intense" images. It threatened to make me never come down from "my trip": to make me forever forget my own origin, my own history, the "contents" of my own self; it threatened that--in fear of "falling into the void" that is the loss of one's identity--I persistently prolong "the state" of ecstatic, "sensational" experiencing of the eternal "now", in essence, to become some sort of an "addict," "alcoholic," and "passionate smoker" of my contemporaneity.
Remembering, reflecting, deliberating, and thinking in "these states" proved indispensable. It was a way out in a battle for mental survival.
(Žarko Radaković, "Pre- and Post-nomadic States", Sarajevo Notebooks, br. 23/24, my translation)
Sećanje, razmišljanje, promišljanje i mišljenje je, „u takvim stanjima“, bilo neminovno. Bilo je izlaz u borbi za mentalni opstanak.
(Žarko Radaković, "Pred- i post-nomadska stanja", Sarajevske sveske, br. 23/24)
"Schizophrenia" to which I surrendered myself was not only the product but also the goal of the state in which I found myself while living in a foreign land, the state which threatened to take away my ability to make judgments and form selections. It threatened to reduce me to someone who was now only observing and experiencing the world, which now only appeared as a series of "intense" images. It threatened to make me never come down from "my trip": to make me forever forget my own origin, my own history, the "contents" of my own self; it threatened that--in fear of "falling into the void" that is the loss of one's identity--I persistently prolong "the state" of ecstatic, "sensational" experiencing of the eternal "now", in essence, to become some sort of an "addict," "alcoholic," and "passionate smoker" of my contemporaneity.
Remembering, reflecting, deliberating, and thinking in "these states" proved indispensable. It was a way out in a battle for mental survival.
(Žarko Radaković, "Pre- and Post-nomadic States", Sarajevo Notebooks, br. 23/24, my translation)
No comments:
Post a Comment